Foreward

Foreword

I was the proud father of Ian, Ben and Hannah;   I am now the exiled father of same. I was the happy husband but am now the estranged ex.  I lost my privileges to both those identities.  This is a healing memoir of the first six years with my children.

Three weeks after the birth of our third child, my wife wanted me to leave the house.  The better I felt about myself, the worse she felt about herself. 

She hated me for her feeling that way. 

For her, my presence was unsupportable, my breathing an annoyance.  Life was hard.

I remarkably underestimated her capacity for self destruction and we have all paid dearly ever since.  After all the excuses and stories and perspectives, the answer to why she wanted to separate from me is simple:  I did not love her well enough.

She warned me that if I didn’t leave, our separation would be far “worse” for me than for her.  At first I didn’t believe her, then I thought she was right:  I was the odd man out, she refused me access to Ian, Ben and Hannah. She continued with access to our bank accounts and when I arrived in Costa Rica there was a Restraining Order filed against me fast.  I  didn’t know what was happening but she had planned well.

Three years later, I know that our separation is not “worse” for anyone.  We are all losing.  We are losing time together broken apart. 

This is my perspective of the time I spent with my children.  I proclaim to be neither angel nor devil.  Like most people, most times, I fall somewhere in the middle.    

The stories are snapshots, when I was teaching, and my three children were under seven and above the poverty line.  We lived together in a two bedroom home with a white mini van in a modest suburb of Philadelphia.  That has all changed, but the memories remain the same.

I have not been permitted to speak or to see my children in over two years.  I could never have imagined this scenario.  I am calling out to Ian, Ben and Hannah.  I am hoping they will hear me.